Dysfunctional Family Dinner
by poisonousredapples
Summary: It's the first Thanksgiving since the curse broke - and the first one Regina and Emma will be spending together as a couple. Regina volunteers to host, but soon realizes that family dinners will be more dreadful than she first thought.


**A/N: Just a little Thanksgiving present for Michelle, hope you like it dear! Also I apologize to everyone reading Taking a Chance, I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I updated that fic but my workload at school is dying down so hopefully I'll get to it sooner rather than later.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_4:00pm_

"Look at me, Emma, look me in the eyes. This is not funny. Do you realize how much work I still have to do before our guests arrive?" Regina shrieks. The flustered woman stands in her kitchen, surrounded by a mess and covered in flour head-to-toe.

"Regina, don't worry, my parents and Henry won't be over for another hour," Emma soothes, her eyes following the frantic woman around the Mills' kitchen. "You've got plenty of time to finish and get ready. Besides, you've got me to help-"

"Help?" Regina shrieks again, "Emma I wouldn't let you help me cook even if I was on my deathbed! You can't even boil a pot of water!"

Emma flinched away at the sight of her frazzled girlfriend, frantically trying to think of a way to help. "Well," she says after a moment, "is there anything I can do that doesn't involve cooking. Like, I don't know, set the table or something?"

Regina halts for a moment and tenses her shoulders before nodding, almost indecipherably, to the woman standing behind her. "Okay," Emma says, squeezing past the brunette to gather plates from the cupboard. As she wanders into the dining room, she glances around skeptically. _How in the hell are we supposed to fit all the food on this table?_

"I'm going upstairs to take a shower," Regina called from the front hall a few moments later. "Don't you _dare_ touch anything in the kitchen, Emma. I've been working all day and I don't need you screwing everything up."

Emma snorts as she listens to her girlfriend's light tread on the stairs. It's true, Regina had been working all day; in fact, she'd woken up early just to get a head start. This was their first Thanksgiving together as a family - not just herself, Henry and Regina, but the extended family as well.

Her mother had thought it would be a good idea for the entire family to have a more normal opportunity to bond, so originally the plan was for everyone to cram their way into the small Charming apartment. Regina, being her usual regal self, insisted that the space would be too small, and demanded that Thanksgiving dinner be held at her home instead. Of course there was some debate as to whether or not Regina would attempt to poison them all - a debate Snow brought up, as per usual - but that was where Henry had stepped in and convinced his grandmother that, at least for the time being, his adoptive mother was trying to be good.

Lost in thought, Emma barely has time to register the feeling of her fingers losing their grip on the plate before it crashes to the ground, shattering into pieces and sending the terrible noise echoing throughout the house. Almost immediately she hears the water from the shower turn off and feels the absolute fury radiating through the walls from the woman upstairs.

"Emma!" The blonde cringes and bends down to pick up the pieces of the broken plate. This was going to be a long evening.

* * *

_4:17pm_

_I still do not know what I was thinking volunteering to host this dinner_, Regina thought dismally as the hot water pounded against her scalp. Cooking a full Thanksgiving feast was stressful enough. Having to cook one for the Charmings, not to mention Gold and his criminal offspring? She shudders at the thought. She will have to keep her magic in check tonight. Sharing a table with these people without someone getting hurt will prove to be a difficult task.

Over the roar of the shower, Regina could just make out the sound of something shattering against her hardwood floors. Taking a breath to steady herself, she whips the shower handle into the off position and pulls her towel around her slender form roughly, neglecting to even dry her glistening tan skin. "Emma!" she yells.

Storming down the stairs, Regina almost slips as she takes a sharp turn around the dining room corner. Met with terror in bright green eyes, Regina quickly realizes that her girlfriend has never seen her this unkept - save for their time spent in the bedroom. "Emma," Regina takes a deep breath, "what happened?"

Emma stands quickly with fistfuls of the broken plate grasped in her hands. "Shit!" she gasps suddenly and drops the pieces, holding up her palm to inspect the damage. "Emma," Regina chided, walking over and grabbing her hand, eliciting a hiss of pain from the blonde.

"Let's get this cleaned up so I can have everything ready on time." Ushering Emma into the kitchen and being careful to avoid contaminating the food - Regina chuckled at the thought - she motions for Emma to sit down on a clear spot of kitchen counter.

"Okay, Emma dear, wrap this around your hand," she says, holding out a dish towel, "and keep it raised above your head to slow the bleeding. I'll go get the first aid kit."

Emma nods and watches her girlfriend saunter away in nothing but a towel. "Regina," she calls before the brunette has a chance to round the corner. Regina turns to face her girlfriend and chuckles as Emma motions for her to drop her towel. "Now, Emma, I still have lots of work to do, and we wouldn't want your parents arriving to find us in the kitchen naked amongst all their food, would we?"

The blonde whines, making her best puppy face. "No, dear, you'll just have to hold out after dinner," she says as she turns and walks away.

"Just make sure you leave enough room for a second helping of dessert!"

* * *

_4:42pm_

"Regina, I think something's burning!" Emma shrieks, fanning the air around the fire detector to keep it from going off. She hears frantic footfalls coming down the stairs and suddenly, Regina's there beside her, whirling through the kitchen with surprising grace, considering the circumstances. Even with her blouse untucked and her hair half curled, the woman still looked impeccably put-together. "Emma, it's the turkey, move," she yells over the now-blaring fire alarm, pushing the blonde out of the way in an attempt to get to the oven.

Practically tearing open the door, Regina grabs a pair of pot holders and snatches the turkey out of the smoky oven, setting it down quickly on the cooktop. "Emma, call the fire department, tell them not to send anyone. I refuse for your parents to arrive and panic when they see a fire truck outside the home their daughter is staying in."

"Yes, ma'am," Emma says sarcastically, feigning a salute.

While Emma wanders off to find her phone, Regina inspects the turkey for damage. Finding none, she returns to the task of mashing potatoes and making gravy. The fire alarm blares one last time before going silent, and Regina breathes a sigh of relief. Nodding to Emma as she wanders back inside, she turns back to her task, hoping to impress her girlfriend's parents and the woman who, oddly enough, she has despised all these years.

* * *

_5:08pm_

"Are they here yet?"

Emma rolls her eyes. "For the hundredth time Regina, no, they're not here yet."

"They're late!" the agitated brunette exclaims, straightening the silver place settings once again, whether out of nervousness or frustration Emma can't tell. "This is our first dinner together as a...family," she hesitates, "the least everyone could do is be punctual!"

"I'm sure they'll be here soon."

Huffing, Regina adjusts the spoon in the stuffing bowl and storms out of the room to check her makeup again. _It's definitely nerves_, Emma thinks with a smirk.

"Emma! They're here!"

"How can you-?" Emma cuts off as she hears the familiar sound of the front door opening and the pitter patter of little feet in the entryway. "Mom? Ma?"

"Henry!" Emma smiles as she hears Regina's voice practically light up. Standing up from her place at the table - complete with a name card, courtesy of Regina - and wanders into the front hall, putting on a smile for everyone awaiting her arrival.

"Hi Henry, Snow, David," she says politely, giving them each a hug and eyeing Regina, who stands on the side glaring at her son's biological grandparents. Standing awkwardly in the doorway are Mr. Gold, Belle and - Emma flinches inwardly - Neal. This is going to be one hell of an awkward family dinner.

"Why don't we all go into the dining room then, and I'll uncork a bottle of wine. Emma, help everyone find where they're sitting, please?"

Emma nods and follows Henry into the dining room, pointing everyone in the direction of their name cards, and breathes a sigh of relief when she notes that Regina decided to seat her and Neal as far apart as humanly possible.

* * *

_5:13pm_

"So," David says after a few moments of nothing but knives scraping against plates, "Neal, how did you and Emma meet?"

"David!" Snow chides, turning to glare at her husband as Emma chokes on a piece of turkey.

"I, uh..." Neal begins to say before Belle elbows him and shakes her head.

_Leave it to the idiot Charming to make this dinner even more uncomfortable_, Regina thinks, sighing.

After another few minutes, Snow breaks the silence. "Everything tastes very good, Regina. Thank you for offering to host this year."

Regina clears her throat. "Well, we wouldn't have been able to fit everyone in that tiny apartment of yours anyways, Snow. If you can even call it an apartment."

"Regina..." Emma warns, catching her girlfriend's eye. "Let's not do this tonight."

_Ironic, considering I'd rather have this whole thing be over witch_, Emma thinks with a grimace. The holidays have never been easy for the woman, and this year is no different. Only now, instead of having no family to care for her, she's got too much, and it's suffocating her.

"So," David starts again, and all the heads in the room snap up and shoot him warning glares. "I...was just going to say how great it is for all of us to be together. As a family."

Regina stiffens. Snow groans. The sound of Emma's head colliding with the table echoes throughout the room. "Okay...I was just trying to be nice."

"Look," Emma interjects, hoping to diffuse some of the tension in the room. "This is awkward for all of us. None of us really want to be here, because this situation is completely fucked."

"Emma!" Snow and Regina chide in unison before glaring at each other from across the table.

"Sorry, guys. Sorry kid. But the fact is we are family, in one way or another, and like it or not we are going to have to put up with each other a lot. So please, Snow, Regina, Gold, you three need to calm down. Neal and I, well...we need to learn to deal with each other. And Henry, you have _got_ to lay off your mom. She's trying to be good, she really is. Every time she's used magic, it's been for good, to protect the people she loves. You've got to remember that," she said, turning to Regina to find tears forming in her girlfriend's eyes, "she loves you very, very much."

The brunette sitting to her right gives Emma a small smile and squeezes her hand in a silent "thank you." The rest of the table is stunned into silence. Nobody knows what to say. Nobody was expecting a simple Thanksgiving dinner conversation to go so deep - not that quickly, at least.

"So," Regina says once she's gained her composure, "dessert, anyone?"

"Oh that sounds lovely, Regina. What did you make?" Snow asks as she stands to help clear dinner plates.

"Apple pie."

The sound of silverware clattering to the floor is the only think that keeps Emma from bursting out laughing at what can only be described as a look of sheer terror on her mother's face.

"It was a joke, Snow. And people say I'm the humorless one…" Regina chuckles as she walks into the kitchen, relishing in the sight of Snow White's face going, well, paler than snow.

* * *

_8:52 (after much boring family talk and cleaning)_

"That was quite a good pie, Regina. I must say I never pegged you as such an excellent baker," Gold says on his way out, one arm wrapped around Belle, the other hand preoccupied by his cane. Regina nods, ushering the beauty and the beast, along with his son, out the door. Turning to Emma, she sighs in relief. "Did you get Henry into bed?"

"Yep, he's out like a light. All that amazing food must've done him in." Emma takes her girlfriend's hand and runs her thumb soothingly across the back. "You did great," she whispers, "I know how…_nerve wracking_ this must have been for you."

Regina nods. "Well, it's over now. I just want to go to bed."

"Really," Emma says huskily, pulling the brunette close. "You promised me seconds on dessert, Madame Mayor."

Chocolate eyes darken as the blonde's words reach Regina's ears. "Are you sure you can handle seconds, Miss Swan?

* * *

**A/N: Well, there you go. It's about as half as good as I wanted it to be, but I thought I should probably get this one up before Thanksgiving was over…hope you all gobbled it up anyways! (I know, I'm terrible). Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukah, Happy Anything-Else-You're-Celebrating-Today!**

**-Lyndie**


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